I have recently been blessed with reaching thirty years of my life, and everything is supposed to be different, to feel different, or so people say, yet it doesn’t. I still feel like a teenager when I see the guy I like. I still smile like an idiot when he looks my way or even after he kisses me. I still do stupid things that I end up regret immediately after. I am supposed to be all grown up and yet I still feel like a kid.
I have gotten this far and still don’t have the answers. I have lived so much but still don’t know where I am supposed to go or even how I am supposed to get there. I know things have changed, but I can’t really say how or when.
We are supposed to walk in our paths and learn so many valuable lessons along the way, yet, I feel I have learned nothing and life is ahead of me, waiting, inviting.
Maybe it’s not about figuring it all out. Maybe it’s about just walking ahead and trying to be smart enough not to make the same mistakes. And if by any chance we were not smart and ended up messing up even more, then, maybe it’s about having the strength to say “I made a mess, now let me try to fix it, and if I can’t, let me just move on, keep walking”.
Maybe we are not supposed to “grow up” but “grow wise”. I would surely prefer the latter one.
I don’t have the answers, but maybe, just maybe, I am not meant to.
Just her. She is a dreamer, a believer, a hopeless romantic, a writer of the things the soul can’t say.